Traffic lights of the third kind

In the past traffic lights were simple – they had a preset timer when to turn green and when red. Now such traffic lights are called dumb, because we have a new generation of smart traffic lights. Smart traffic lights have eyes (sensors) to see the traffic and brain (CPU) to manage light switching to optimize traffic throughput. They are biased to discriminate - they give longer green lights to the direction of heavier traffic. Smart traffic lights save a lot of time for drivers, thus decreasing waste and increasing productivity. It translates to drivers and passengers having more time to do productive work, not sitting in traffic and getting tired.

Fremont invented traffic lights of the third kind – they have good eyes, but idiotic brains. They are exceptionally slow thinkers. They see the traffic situation well enough, but they think about the best solution for so long that the traffic situation changes. That’s why they turn on red lights in the direction where traffic is intensifying, and green lights where there is no traffic anymore. We call it moronic traffic lights – they manage to create traffic jams out of thin air. In the past I complained to Fremont police and the City Mayor about moronic lights, but to no avail. But over the years I have gotten used to these lights. I can predict their behavior and adapt. It's a small inconvenience to pay for the privilege to live in a city with unique moronic traffic lights.