Dream Interpreters

Generated by ChatGPT

People dream the weirdest things and wake up thinking, “Where on earth did I get such filthy ideas?” Or: “What could that possibly mean?” And just like that, there's a market for dream explanations — hence, dream interpreters are born. The really “wise” ones even write books — so-called dream dictionaries.

Dream interpreters were never wrong, of course — because their explanations would only be “verified” years later, long after everyone had forgotten both the dream and what it was supposed to mean. That kind of bulletproof logic was, sadly, not adopted by the new interpreters — not of dreams, mind you, but of Trump’s statements.

After every cryptic Trump remark, an entire battalion of interpreters appears out of nowhere. They bend over backwards to rationalize whatever he said, helpfully explaining to the public what he really meant. Not that they’ve ever seen inside Trump’s head, but that’s not a problem. After all, dream interpreters also haven’t been inside someone else's dream. But dream interpreters at least had the luxury of time — decades, even — before their nonsense was proven right or wrong. In contrast, Trump changes his statements faster than you can change socks: in a week, a day, sometimes within the hour. Naturally, his interpreters are constantly wrong — and just as constantly revising themselves. It's a full-time job.

You'd think no one would listen to people who are always wrong. And yet, to my amazement, there's a massive audience hanging on their every flawed interpretation. Maybe people enjoy watching each version get more absurdly complicated? Or maybe you simply can’t understand Trump without a decoder ring? When you're drowning, you'll grab at straws.